When we deal with the shame biblically, we can break free from the cycles of alienation, fear and escape
Shame is the deep sense that you are unacceptable because of something you did, something done to you, or something associated with you. You feel exposed
Humiliation- we feel naked and exposed
Contamination- we feel dirty or unclean
Alienation- we feel like an outcast or outsider
Shame–> Alienation–>Fear–>Escape
God’s answer for shame from sin we commit is…
Repentance and faith which results in cleansing and restoration.
1 John 1:9
Psalm 31, 32, 38
1 Cor 7
2 Sam 11-12
God’s answer for shame from sin committed against us is…
Know that Christ hears, helps, and heals.
Exodus 3:9
Acts 9
“Disgrace is the opposite of grace. Grace is love that seeks you out even if you have nothing to give in return. Grace is being loved when you are or feel unlovable. Grace has the power to turn despair in to hope. Grace listens, lifts up, cures transforms and heals.”
“Christ doesn’t deny our painful emotions…He seeks to heal them. Grace transforms and heals; and healing comes from hearing God’s Statements to you, not speaking your own statements to your self. God’s grace to you dismantles the beliefs that give disgrace life. Grace re-creates what violence destroyed.”
-From “Rid of my Disgrace: hope and healing for Victims of Sexual Assault.” -Justin and Lindsay Holcomb
God
‘s Answer for shame from inherent sin is…
Understanding our “already, but not yet” state while embracing our new identity and His transforming power.
2 Cor 3:18
Live it out!
Identity: I am crucified with Christ. (Galatians 2:19-21)
Unity: I don’t do this alone.
Reality: I can live differently by faith. (1 John 3:20)
When we deal with shame biblically, we can break free from the cycles of alienation, fear and escape
Shame- Feelings associated with (but not limited to) failure, public exposure, disgrace, embarrassment, social rejection, ridicule and dishonor.
“Shame is the deep sense that you are unacceptable because of something you did, something done to you, or something associated with you. you feel exposed and humiliated.” -Ed Welch
Theme: Peacemakers Follow A Biblical Pattern to Resolve Conflict
Notes:
I.Motivation: How do I Glorify God and do good in this situation?
Ourmotivesandmethodsmust be biblical in order to glorify God and do good to others.
II.Examination: How can I show Jesus’ transforming work by taking responsibility for my part? Mt. 7:1-5
Peacemakers let love cover as much as they can.
Peacemakers apply God’s Word to themselves first.Matthew 7:1-5
Peacemakers admit when they are wrong.
1.They are honest with themselves and others.
2.Eight A’s of genuine confession.
Address everyone involved
Avoid “if, but, and maybe”
Admit specifically
Acknowledge the hurt
Accept the consequences
Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
Ask for forgiveness: this is an act of humility that shows real heart change.
Allow time. People need time to process emotions.
III.Restoration: How can I lovingly serve others by helping them take the responsibility for their part? Galatians 6:1–5
Be Compassionate.
1.Affirm the relationship: let them know you care and want reconciliation.
2.Listen well
3.Speak truth in love: the words you say and the way you say it ought to communicate love.
4.Be patient.
Be Constructive.
1.BeTruthful: speak the truth in love. be honest about the situation. Don’t exaggerate their wrong or your right.
2.BeTransparent: let them see your heart.
3.Talkin person whenever possible. Too much can be misunderstood in text and email.
4.Talkas peers. Don’t use come across as condescending or superior. We can inadvertently use God’s Word as a hammer to beat someone instead a scalpel to help them.
5.Watch yourtone: be careful not to come across irritated, condescending, or hateful.
6.Choose yourtimecarefully: If they are tired, stressed, or angry it may make it unnecessarily difficult.
Be Clear: Plan your words
1.Ask good questionsto gain understanding. You are helping them examine their heart in light of God’s Word.
2.Choose words carefully.
IV.Reconciliation: How can I demonstrate the forgiveness of God and encourage a reasonable solution?
Forgive, because you’ve been forgiven. Ephesians 4:32
1.What Forgiveness isn’t
Forgiveness is not acting like the wrong done to you is no big deal.
You can forgive even if the other person does not accept it or want it.”
Forgiveness does not mean that trust is immediately restored.
2.What is it then?
Forgiveness is releasing someone from the punishment or penalty for the wrong against us.
Forgiveness is not letting their sin cause you to sin.
Forgiveness is truly desiring and praying for God’s best in their life.
Protect your heart from bitterness.
1.God not only gives you the command but also the grace to forgive.
2.Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.
V.Live it Out!Philippians 4:2-9
Choose joy in the Lord over bitterness 4:4
Let your gentleness be evident: choose gentleness instead of harshness. 4:5
Pray instead of worry. 4:6-7:
Meditate on truth, not the situation. 4:8
Keep doing these things by faith! 4:9
Note:
Although I am deeply indebted to those who have taught me these principles in different forms through the years, I want to give special recognition to Ken Sande’s book “The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict.”
This book has shaped my understanding of how to handle conflict. I highly recommend this book and encourage you to visit the peacemaker website for additional resources.
